Runaway Emotions

Jeff Schreve is a pastor whose explanation of our emotions hits home.  From the time I started reading this book, I found myself nodding my head in agreement - or thinking "How did he know that? He doesn't know me!"  Along with each explanation, he offers a biblical story, real-life example, or both. I have read many books of this genre, but I can honestly say that this particular book stands out in a way that the others have not - it speaks to me in a language that I can both understand and relate to. 

His chapter on depression was quite the eye-opener. Certainly I am not the only person who was brought up with the idea that depression is "all in your head" -- one did not discuss things of that sort. You just took a deep breath, and went on about your business, without  letting anyone know if there were problems.

Unlike many authors of the "self-help" genre, Jeff Schreve does not claim to have all the answers. He offers humor, Biblical principles and Bible verses entwined with real-life examples to drive his points home in a most effective way. Before I had gotten through the first chapter, the highlighter was out and the pages were folded down as a reminder of a point that I wanted to revisit.

Will Runaway Emotions have the answers that you seek? Only you can answer that question. For this reader in particular, Jeff Schreve has hit a home run.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com® <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Closing A Chapter

I received a short text message from my brother yesterday while I was at the gym. It literally stopped me in my tracks, and it consisted of only four words: "house in realtor's hands." This was the final step in a journey that began in January of this year and took a definitive turn in May. Our decisions were not made lightly, nor were they made without many hours of thought and tearful discussion. What it boils down to in the end, however, is one simple fact: it still hurts. 

Dementia is a viciously ugly disease. It knows no restrictions and can affect anyone. There is no known cure. A year ago, I would have nodded my head in sympathy, while quietly giving thanks that it wasn't me and mine. Seven months ago, it became mine. Not that we didn't suspect, or sometimes have that feeling that something just wasn't right ... but to have those thoughts and feelings confirmed is still a hateful blow. The questions began. The self-doubt began, and still, to some extent, continues. "Did we do the right thing?"

As I pulled into the parking lot at the nursing home, she turned and looked at me and stated "I'm not going here." When I put my truck in park, she crossed her arms reminiscent of Samantha and stated "I'm not getting out. You can't make me." I unbuckled her seat belt. She buckled it back. Strangely, that was the first time in months that she had fastened a seat belt without difficulty. "I'm not going." I don't know what my face looked like, but apparently there was this pleading "Help Me!" written across it. My brother opened the passenger door, and when she turned to tell him she wasn't getting out, he simply looked at her and said "Come on, mama." I unbuckled her seat belt and she slowly got out of the vehicle, walking beside him. My sister and I fell into step, our pace speaking volumes about the heartbreaking decision we had made.

When we got inside, one of the aides from the unit came down the hall and put her arm around mama. She began making conversation with her, and gently led her down the hall. We watched, and wondered. Paperwork, conversation, paperwork, questions. Then you walk away, hoping against hope that you have not made a mistake. Logically, you know you haven't. Emotionally, you feel like a traitor. You feel as if you have abandoned the one person who would never abandon you.

Emptying the house was a lengthy, painful process. What to keep? What to do with what you don't keep? There were many, many items found that made us stop, look at each other and say "Huh?" Memories unfolded, time and time again. The realization that she is never again going to come home, never again going to live in this house is overwhelming.  How do you say goodbye?

I'm going home in a couple of weeks. I haven't decided whether or not I will drive by the house. I don't know how I"ll handle it. Where will we sit around the table and drink coffee at all hours of the day or night? Where will we all get together and visit? Will we even get together and visit anymore? How do I explain it to my granddaughter when I don't feel like I fully comprehend it myself? I"m almost 50 years old. I have my own home, have children and grandchildren of my own. But mama's house isn't mama's house anymore.

Lord, I ask for strength and peace. For all of us. We are fond of saying that "we have two choices: laugh or cry. We choose to laugh." Please, help us to find the laughter.

"the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."~Numbers 6:25-26 NIV

When Donkeys Talk

As a part of Booksneeze bloggers, I offer to read and review books. What I get in return is a free book! For someone who is a lifelong addict (yes, to books), free books are better than candy ... even to a candy lover like myself. Sometimes, a book comes along that sounds good but does not quite live up to the promotional materials that accompany it. For me, that was this book: When Donkeys Talk by Tyler Blanski.

The description of this book sounded like something that would intrigue me. Working my way through my own rediscovery of my faith, the book seemed to be one that might offer new insights and guidance. I did not find that to be necessarily so. While I enjoy Tyler Blanski's conversational style of writing, and some of his examples, overall I just felt that the book fell short of my expectations of it.

"Nothing ruins a good party like a story about a miracle" (Blanski, 2012).  Blanski pops you upfront with this statement, making you pause and wonder what exactly he will be sharing over the next 200+ pages. Think about those words: how many times, especially in today's world, does a mere mention of God, or Christianity, or beliefs, or miracles cause raised eyebrows and shaking of heads. Those raised to be polite might not voice the disbelief that shines blatantly through their eyes, but it is oh-so-obviously there. Miracles? Talking donkeys? Did you miss your psych appointment that I didn't know you had but obviously need?

Blanski explains the reasoning behind his quest: the biblical story of Balaam and his ass, realizing that "I had never taken that story seriously. In fact, I had never taken most of the Bible that seriously" (Blanski, 2012) [If you are unfamiliar with the story, it is in the book of Numbers] Relatable! Definitely, because I remember vague bible stories from youth, believing with the innocence of a child. As I grew older, some of the belief turned to skepticism, but never doubt. I was searching for an answer in When Donkeys Talk, an answer that I did not find.

I did, however, take away several bits of information from this book. One that resounded quite loudly was the quote Blanski included from Dietrich Bonhoeffer. "We are to find God in what we know, not in what we don't know" (Blanski, 2012) Think about that for a moment. Find God in what you know. True? I think it is. When I look around at my life - the blessings that I have received, and the struggles that I have had, the one constant is my faith. My belief that God is, and that He is powerful enough to do anything.

Dive into the not-so-typical book called When Donkeys Talk. While it was not one of my particular favorites, Tyler Blanski does share information to make you think. To make you want to start (or continue, as the case may be) your own quest to rediscover.

Blanski, T. (2012). When donkeys talk: A quest to rediscover the mystery and wonder of Christianity. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

But Balaam answered them: "Even if Balak gave me all the silver and gold in his palace, I could not do anything great or small to go beyond the command of the Lord my God."~Numbers 22:18 NIV

I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers in return for writing an honest review. A positive review was not required.

Where I Am Meant To Be

I worked last night. No big deal, right? People do that all the time. Today, I had a meeting. Still, you might think, what's the point? Are you trying to say something important? Yes, I guess I am  - am. Deciding last summer to move "across town", as the hospital switch here is commonly referred to, I stepped from one facility to another. Never having worked for a faith-based organization before, I was not quite prepared for the immediate sense of contentment that I found in my new work environment. Coming from an atmosphere that often preferred pointing fingers to applauding successes, the beginning of every meeting with a reflection was something that took me by surprise - in a very good way! It's okay to talk about God at work! You can pray OUT LOUD. (And yes, I know that the proper term is aloud, but OUT LOUD just fits.) From the first day of orientation to today, every meeting has started with a reflection - a story, a verse or passage - that keeps us as associates focused on our true mission, to extend the healing ministry of Jesus Christ.

Today, the reflection came from Ephesians 4, and the verse resonated within me. Strangely enough, a teammate and myself had been having a similar conversation before the meeting even started! Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV) My translation? Watch what you say, make sure it is positive. If you have to say something negative, make sure it is understood that the negativity is directed toward the action and not the person.

Why did I need to say that I had a meeting today? First, I am in a period of transition. Last week, I was blessed to be offered an opportunity to change positions at my current facility. The new job is going to allow me the chance to learn and grow in a new field, and is giving me a work environment unlike any I have had recently. For the first time in longer than I care to think about, I can honestly say that I like everyone that I work with. The atmosphere is vibrant, and thrumming with excitement. There are changes ahead that we as a team will be instrumental in implementing -- and I can't wait! I am so excited to be a part of it!!

I am grateful, happy, and at peace. I feel like this is the beginning of a new phase of my life - and I plan to embrace it wholeheartedly. Today reinforced to me what I have felt since the beginning of my employment here - this is where I am meant to be. Lord, please guide my footsteps along the path that glorifies you. Help me every day to show your love.

"It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him." ~ Deuteronomy 13:4 NIV

gods at war

A few short days ago, I received an unassuming package in my mailbox. Opening it to reveal Kyle Idleman's newest book Gods at War. And so the journey began ...

Not having read Idleman's previous book, not a fan, I was not sure what to expect. His introduction immediately reveals that this book will be a more personal experience. Recounting a "teachable moment" with his 8 year old daughter brings a shocking realization: idols are not the graven images of a dusty past, but present today in forms that are far more insidious and threatening. After all, who gives a second thought to many of the things that we take for granted? Have you considered that the importance you place on things (status, money, possessions, etc) thrusts them firmly into the place of something that you worship (idol)?

"The deadliest war is the one most of us never realize is being fought." How true those few words - and all before I had completed the introduction. Moving forward, Idleman blasts you with another seemingly simplistic view that brings his point home: "Goals can become gods. You start to serve them, live for them, and sacrifice for them." Sound familiar? Just a few more hours at work and we are sure to nail down that promotion/new position/recognition. It's okay if we have to miss a game/competition/family outing/church ... we can make it up tomorrow/next week/next year. Remember Mt. Sinai and the calf? "Anything at all can become an idol when it becomes a substitute for God in our lives." (emphasis mine) Proverbs 27:19 reminds us that "As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart." (NIV). What does your life say about where your heart lies?

Pastor Idleman breaks down his book into four parts, detailing the gods that can detract us from focusing on the one true God. From the temple of pleasure (food, sex, entertainment), to the temple of power (success, money, achievement), to the temple of love (romance, family, me), the author gives an eye-opening view of how easy it can be to turn away from what is real to begin a never-ending journey for thethingthatisbetterandjustaroundthecorner. "The battlefield of the gods is your heart. Your heart is shaped by your thoughts ... be careful how you think, because that's what you will worship."

This book did what I expect any good book to do: it made me think. It drove me to ask myself some questions, and I didn't always like the answers. What is most important? Is God the most important thing in my life? Am I living like He is the most important, or am I just paying lip service? Am I talking the talk without walking the walk?

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."~Proverbs 4:23 NIV


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”