Coping With Curve Balls

I don't proclaim to be a sports expert of any sort. The slang definition, however, of curve ball listed in thefreedictionary.com simply says "something that is unexpected." In the overall sense, that may not even be totally true, because deep down I had a feeling that the answer I received last night was exactly the one I was going to get. (written 11 Feb 2008)

Some of you know the situation, some of you don't, and in the whole big scheme of things the particulars of last night's curve ball are really irrelevant to anyone except the parties involved. Suffice it to say that I was floored by the response, even though I've suspected for quite some time what the outcome would be. I thought about writing last night, but couldn't clarify my thoughts enough to make anything coherent come from them. Still today, there is a knot of anxiety banked high up in my abdomen coupled with that nauseating feeling of being on the verge of tears. If you ask how I am, the answer you will most likely get is "okay." It is partially true, but breaking down in tears will solve absolutely no problems at all.

Why the discourse? It is a coping mechanism. I have to work through the emotional onslaught, understand why, and deal with the consequences. Sometimes the best way for me to work through things is to write about them (hence this ramble). Putting thoughts down on paper can sometimes clarify the emotional jungle that clouds the view. One of the hardest things to do in reality should be one of the easiest. What is it about the human animal that makes it so difficult for us to relinquish control? Realistically, I know that I could assert my rights and change the situation. I also know that the damage it could possibly cause might never be undone. Emotionally, I want to cry, scream, and rage. Logically, I know that not only will that cause a massive headache, it will also serve no purpose except to frustrate me further.

There was, and still is, serious soul-searching going on. I have to turn this over to God because I cannot handle it on my own. It is scary, and yet not. I know He will resolve things in the way that they should be handled, if I am patient and allow Him to work. Let me see if I can give an analogy that might make some sense of this. If you are a parent, you will know exactly what I refer to (if you don't have children ... think of your pet, maybe). When my children were sick, the hardest thing to do was to turn them over to the care of a physician. Not because I did not trust their skills or abilities, but because the instinctive reaction is to grab and hold close as if the sheer power of parental love can make everything better. Sometimes, it cannot! Trusting the skills that their pediatrician held (and that I did not) allowed me to work with the process of healing my ill child. Trusting in the power of God to resolve the situation to its best end is the only way that I can resolve the turmoil within. I do not have the answers, He does. I have to let go, and let God work.

That is the only way to handle the "curve balls" that life throws at you ... unexpected does not have to be unsolvable. God can handle anything! We must remember that He will never give us more than we can handle ... and also remember that what we think we can handle and what He knows we can handle are not always the same! God, loosen up my glove and help me to learn to catch those curve balls. By opening my life to you, things will fall into place as they should.

"Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety." ~Job 11:13-18 NIV