Moving Forward

I haven't written in a couple of days. It is amazing how neglectful that makes me feel. As if I've had this duty that must be done, and I have shirked it. (written 18 July 07)

When I say today, I guess in this particular context I really mean yesterday, if one is counting the days solely by the hours on the clock. Working the schedule that I do, sometimes my days run together. To me, even though it is the wee hours of the morning on Wednesday, it seems to still be Tuesday since I've not yet gone to bed. Why the clarification?

Today (referring, of course, to Tuesday), I took what for me amounts to a huge step toward the future and drove to Wallace to get the information I needed about financial aid for the fall quarter. I've been talking about going back to school for several months now, and in fits and spurts have done related paperwork toward that goal. Well, the calculations are done, the figures are on paper, signed, and waiting for mid-August when I can officially register for classes starting me on my degree path (for the second time). I'm a little nervous, financially frightened, and a whole lot excited about this career progression.

Those who know me, or who have read the profile information, know that I've "done the school thing" once already. I graduated in 2000 with an AAS in Hospitality and Tourism with concentrations in Hotel/Restaurant Management and Culinary Arts. Following graduation, I worked as a restaurant manager for six years. The last three or so years of that career, I felt increasingly resentful and unhappy with my job. As I told my district manager, "there must be something wrong when the only thing you look forward to about your job is your next day off!"

Almost a year ago, that changed. I was no longer with that employer, and was having serious misgivings about getting involved in that line of work again. My heart just was not in it. My aunt told me then, "this is just God's way of telling you that was not the right job for you. Something will come along and it will be even better, and you will be happy." At the time, I took part of the words to heart, reveling in the love and affection I knew she meant while trying not to cynically categorize it as a platitude given simply to make me feel better.

Fast forward nearly twelve months, and I stand once more on the precipice of beginning a new career. This decision was not made lightly, nor without repeated requests (nicer way of saying "begging") to God for guidance! Peace has found me, and every day that I work toward that goal will be one step closer to doing the job I believe God means me to do. I thank God for his patience with me! Because I took the time to listen to what God was saying instead of doing all the talking, my heart is at peace knowing that He is guiding my steps. He has not promised me that it will be easy, but it can and will be done. He has promised me that He will be there for me ... every step of the way. What more can one ask? Thank you, Lord, for believing in me ... and for the friends and family that refuse to let me stop believing in myself.

"Unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." ~Psalms 94:17-19 NIV