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19 January 2009

Considered Worthy

Have you had those days when it seems as if nothing is going right? Those days that no matter what you do, who you talk to, leave you with a feeling that you are somehow lacking … something? (written 3 Sep 07)

The day started much as any other day, except for waking up in the morning with the slightly unsettled feeling that there was something hanging over my head … something important that I’d forgotten. Poring over the calendar that I tend to carry with me almost everywhere, I saw no reminders penned in. Scrambling through the pieces of paper cluttering both my purse and tote delivered no clues. There was no reminder glaring at me accusingly from the table (or counter, or kitchen, or bathroom) … nothing at all to help me out. The unsettled feeling continued, becoming physical. The beginning of a headache tickled the back of my eyes, wrapping tentacles of pain around the nape of my neck.

Heading to work, I rode in silence, not wanting the radio to distract me from the fret that was rapidly growing into a state resembling panic. Certain that something was about to drop on my head at any moment, the tears were filling my eyes. Negative thoughts bombarded me, causing my heart to race and my vision to blur. Through it all, the refrain that kept echoing through my brain was "there's nothing you can do to change this, so why bother? Just give up. You make no difference anyway."

At this point, and in this state of mind, prayer as a listening form, as a thought process, was out of the question. The only prayerful thing coming from me was a pleading with God just to help me get through this. I neither knew nor understood the reason for my emotional state, but knew for a fact that this was something I could not do without God's help.

He calmed me, gradually, speaking to me of my value to Him. Struggling with self-doubt, I trusted in His strength. He is, and will always be there, if you but ask. When you worry, turn it over to God. If you are concerned about your worth, take it to Him in prayer. He will guide you, will shoulder your burden, will ease your pain.

My father, thank you for showing me that worry is wasted time, and that you are the strength and guidance that I need. Thank you for your counsel, and for making me believe that I am worthy. The difference you have made in my life has shown me that I, too, can be instrumental in helping someone make a decision to allow you to make a difference in their life.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." ~Acts 20:24 NIV

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